I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
