but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
