I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
