Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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