i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
