I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
