I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
