I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
love makes seman taste better
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Randomize
