5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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