and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
