a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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