Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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