I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
