I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
so much tequila, so little girl.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
