Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
