if you like me you must not know who I am
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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