all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
