i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
