I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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