evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
