It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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