I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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