wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Ketchup is God's man juice
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize