Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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