Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it's not cheating when I paid for it
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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