I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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