2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
