before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
