i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
