Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize