My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
