i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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