walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
