Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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