i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize