do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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