she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
