With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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