Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
