Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i now understand why vodka
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
