i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
