and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
