there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
