wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
