i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I will be naked everywhere
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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