Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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