we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize