I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
