I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
