You're completely useless in the revolution.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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