The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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