There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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