Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
