I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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