dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize