the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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