you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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