go do what you do best...puke behind churches
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
