I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
