on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize