Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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