Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
no you cant smoke seaweed
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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