I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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