Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
When are your genitals available?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
