I just threw up on my dentist
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
