I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
