Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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