Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
