dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
