All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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