I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
