She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I need a beard to bite.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
