I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
