So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
