Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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