Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
