He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
