I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So squirting runs in the family.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
