It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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