So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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